This wasn't the excuse note you were looking for

Dear Employer,

Please excuse Bil Simser from work on Thursday, May 19. He is not feeling well. Bil is at home in bed for the entire day, nursing what appears to be a serious hamster attack. Bil’s illness is in no way, shape or form related to the premiere of the final installment of the greatest story ever, which, coincidentally, premieres on the same date.

While I cannot confirm nor deny that Bil has called my company, Geek Squad, asking to be set up with wireless access “in case of a space opera-related sick day” know that if you do receive an e-mail from your prized employee today, it is most likely because He was wise enough to plan ahead in the event of illness.

But as I mentioned before, Bil is at home, safely in bed, but reachable (in dire emergencies) by e-mail or cell.

One more thing. Beginning at 12:00PM MST, Bil Simser will be unreachable for about two hours, thirteen minutes and eleven seconds. He will be feeling really bad at this time.

This wasn’t the excuse note you were looking for,
Robert Stephens
Geek Squad — Chief Inspector