For those of you who have never seen Fight Club, ignore this post. If you haven't seen it, go rent it then come back and read this blog entry. It's okay. I'll wait.
Back yet?
No?
It's okay, I'm still waiting.
Back?
Good.
There is a conspiracy on the Internet tonight and it's name is Justice Gray.
Perhaps you've seen the metrosexual hunk of a software consultant present at an Edmonton Code Camp. Or have you? Or were you really looking at this man:
You see dear friends, it is my experience and understanding that we've all been shim-shamed. Hoodwinked. In reality, Justice Gray is Kyle Baley!
First let's take the letters for Justice Gray and Kyle Baley and mix them up a bit. What do we get?
"A celibate sly jerky guy"
Yup.
You read it here. Justice Gray is not the metrosexual guy you think he is, he's really a eunuch. Definitely a man. But is he real or not?
Kyle I can vouch for. I've worked with him and we've stood in the same room (but not the bathroom). He's not just a disembodied voice on the phone from the Bahamas (although recently he has been) nor is he some crazed lunatic writing blog entries furiously in the dead of the night (although he does sometimes). No, he's quite real.
Justice on the other hand falls in "another" category. You see I don't recall ever meeting him myself. Ever. He's bailed on my Edmonton User Group presentations and was absent from our spectacular-spectacular dual-screen head-to-head XNA presentation at Code Camp. Again, where's the proof that he's real?
And more importantly, and I can categorically state this to be true, "I have never seen Justice and Kyle together in the same room at the same time!".
Just like Batman and Clark Kent.
Go figure.
But wait dear reader, the conspiracy does not end there!
I believe that Justice Gray is really the Tyler Durden of Kyle Baley. How so? Because any time Kyle wants to meet Justice, Justice just happens to not be able to show up. Edmonton User Group. Calgary Code Camp. Alt.net conference.
The proof? I have it right here...
Take the letters from Kyle Baley and Justice Gray and they form the name “Tyler Durden”.
Well, almost.
Okay. So what if we’re missing a couple of ‘D’s and a few other letters but there’s a conspiracy here I tell you!
ORIGINAL: JUSTICE GRAY AND KYLE BALEY
RESULT: TYLER DU??EN
Missing: RD
LEFT OVER: JSICEGAYAKYBA
When you take the remaining letters and put them together they form the phrase “Say Big Cake Jay”.
So in summary:
- Kyle Baley's real name is Jay
- Justice Gray's real name is Jay
- Kyle Baley is Justice Gray. They are the same person!
- At some point in Jay's tortured life he was asked by his mother to "Say Big Cake". I believe he could not pronounce this phrase and rather it came out as "Play Fig Make" which emotionally scarred him for life and has branded him to live behind this facade I'm revealing today.
- Justice Gray is just a figment of everyone's imagination. You have never seen him present nor does he really exist. The man you were looking at was Jay.
Don't believe me? Invite them both to dinner and see who shows up.
Well that just says it all doesn’t it? Jay, wherever you are man, I love you.