A Blog for Graymad

News flash: no one knows everything.

I remember a professor of mine once said something along the lines of, "A successful person is able to admit to himself and others when he doesn't know something, and, furthermore, is able to find and communicate with a person who does."

In my experience in training - both classes and in private tutoring - I have found that there's nothing wrong with saying those dreaded words, "I don't know the answer to that question." I think people respect that a lot more than when they can tell you really don't know but are trying to BS an answer anyway. :-)

Sounds to as if the writer has this attitude problem rather then a psychological crack. Acknowledge you are lacking a competence, so work on it instead of pondering where it all went wrong. Is the best good enough? Insecure about your capabilities? Slap on your balls (sorry ladies) stop wining and work on those competences.

Scott wrote:

"In my experience in training - both classes and in private tutoring - I have found that there's nothing wrong with saying those dreaded words, 'I don't know the answer to that question.' I think people respect that a lot more than when they can tell you really don't know but are trying to BS an answer anyway."

I had much the same discussion with another speaker just this week. I agree 100% that there's nothing wrong with saying "I don't know" and that trying to BS is the surest way to get busted.

I'm guessing that neither you nor Paul have felt what the article described. It's not something rational, nor does it have any basis in the reality of one's skills or lack thereof. I've been speaking at conferences for more than 5 years now, and yet I still sometimes wonder when someone will realize that I can't really do it. Same goes for writing. I've written 3 books (7 if you count revisions) and numerous articles, but I'm still plagued with doubts when I have trouble getting through a particular chapter.

Now I *know* that I can write, and I *know* that I can speak. And I've got fairly good reasons to believe that I'm at least competent, and perhaps even good, at both. So why would I feel an irrational lack of confidence in those abilities? If I knew the answer to that, I could write a book that would make a million...hmmm... :-)

PS to Paul...it's not "whining". It's merely an observation about what goes through one's mind. As I noted above, I'd rather be successful with doubts than unsuccessful with confidence, but that doesn't mean I have to like the less pleasant aspects of it. ;-)

My fiancee noted that in Seinfeld's movie Comedian there's a scene where he's planning to give a new stand-up routine and he's getting all nervous over minor things. Perhaps he has the same little voice you describe. :-)

You captured my thoughts. It's not "whining", it's a (sometimes) total lack of belief in yourself and your abilities. it's when you actually ask yourself - 'why the hell did they hire me to do that? when will they find out the truth?'

it has nothing to do with actual know-how

I concur. Even in smaller settings, I can sometimes be bullied into not believing that I am sufficiently competent. I had a meeting with 2 managers and another developer (someone who I do not have any great respect for his technical skills). The other developer was proposing something preposterous, and I found myself backing away from what I *knew* was right for a while, fearing that perhaps I was totally off base.

Finally, I came to my senses, made my best points (with attribution where appropriate) and eventually "won" the day. But it was unsettleing that even this other much less competant developer could bully me into doubting myselt.

Hopefully, this self doubt makes me be certain when I do get out on a limb...