Actual email from a friend at AOL regarding another friend at TI...
You think h4x0rs hack during business hours? My man is on top of those criminal techno-masterminds like white on rice. Subesh is up at 4:30 in the morning pouring thru IDS logs with mad regexes finding h4x0r attempts.
You think he has time for sleep? No...I don't think so. Son, we live in a world that has firewalls, and those firewalls have to be guarded by men with scripts. Whose gonna do it? You? You, Lt. Reese? Subesh has more responsibility here than you can possibly fathom. You weep for open systems and yet you curse the security auditors. You have that luxury of not knowing what I know. That Subesh's lack of sleep and obsession with gay porn, while tragic, probably saves lives. And that his existence, while grotesque & incromprhensible to you, saves lives. I know deep down in places you dont talk about at parties, you t want Subesh harderning your firewall, you need him on that DMZ host! We use words like buffer overflow, code review, setuid. We use these words as the backbone of a life spent!
For more comedy gold see this comprehensive collection of movie titles by the same author. The "you had to be there" factor is pretty high on some of these but they might still give you a chuckle.