Address to Microsoft and The Development Community
Wrote this a few years back; I never posted it for some reason. I have been working on my blog entry for the PDC contest which is a parody of the Gettysburg Address and I thought I would post this for laughs.
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This is a parody of the speech given by George W. Bush on September 20, 2001. This is in no way a political statement or meant to bring disrespect to the original speech which can be found here; which is considered by many (both democrat and republican) to be one of the most important speeches of the past 100 years.
</Disclaimer>
Mr. Gates, Mr. Ballmer, employees of Microsoft, and my fellow developers
In the normal course of events, Speakers come to this podium to report on the state of our community; Tonight, no such report is needed. It has already been delivered by the development masses.
We have seen it in the courage of coders, who toiled night and day to serialize their thoughts that we might be enlightened. Coders like Chris Brumme. Please welcome his wife here with us tonight, she has come in his place because Chris was exhausted after his last blog post.
(Applause)
We have seen the state of our community in the endurance of developers, working past exhaustion. We have seen the rollout of Active Directories, the stability of Windows, the giving of shadow copies, the development of localized versions in Hebrew and Arabic. We have seen the efficiency of a hard working and gifted people who made making other people’s lives better, the purpose of their own.
My fellow developers, for the last few years the entire world has seen the state of our community and it is STRONG!
(Applause)
Tonight we are a community awakened to security dangers and called to defend quality. Our complacency has turned to vulnerability, and our vulnerabilities to targets. Whether we defeat this enemy with superior quality or expose their lack there-of; quality will be our sword!
(Applause)
I thank Mr. Ballmer for his leadership at such an important time. All developers were touched when we viewed the video of you standing before a crowd and pouring out your heart (and sweat) by clapping and chanting “Developers, Developers, Developers, Developers, Developers, Developers, Developers, Developers, Developers, Developers, Developers, Developers, Developers, DEVELOPERS…Yes!” And you did more than chant, you danced across the stage to and old Gloria Estefan song, even hurting yourself, all to provide comic relief to the IT masses.
Mr. Gates, Mr. Ballmer, Mr. Allchin and Mr. Scoble. I thank you for your friendship and for your leadership and service to the community.
(Applause)
And on behalf of the Microsoft development community, I thank the computing world for its outpouring of support. We will never forget the site of C# code compiling under BSD, or running under Mono.
Redmond will not forget the South Korean children gathering to play Xbox outside our Headquarters in Seoul. We will not forget the deployment of windows in government offices all across Germany, Australia and Latin America.
Nor will we forget the citizens of 80 different nations who have helped to bring us to this place in history. Dozens of Pakistanis, more than 130 Israelis, more than 250 citizens of India, men and women from El Salvador, Iran, Mexico and Japan and hundreds of British citizens. The community has great diversity and we thank you all for your support.
(Applause)
Once again we are joined together in a great cause – we are so honored tonight to have Miquel De Icaza who has crossed a digital divide to show his unity of purpose with us. Thank you for coming friend.
(Applause)
Not long ago, enemies of quality and capitalism conspired to destroy our community. We have known attempts like this before, but for the past 25+ years, they have been feeble attempts, except for that federal anti-trust thing. This new threat has materialized quickly and captured the hearts and minds of disestablishmentarianists everywhere, the sun rose one day with the productivity gains of graphical user interfaces, but it threatens to set tonight with the cold blackness of console sessions.
Developers face many questions tonight. They are asking; who is behind this? The evidence we have gathered points to a collection of loosely affiliated unix hacks who masquerade as bit slinging robin hoods; they call themselves ‘Open Sourcers’. They are the same hacks who have systematically attacked us through vulnerability exploits; they have invaded our browser and attacked the core of our infrastructure.
‘Open Sourcers’ is to evil as Bill Gates is to making money. But its goal is not making money; it is remaking the world and imposing its archaic methods on users everywhere.
‘Open Sourcers’ practice a fringe form of business extremism that has been rejected by economic scholars and the majority of venture capitalists – a fringe movement that perverts the basic tenets of smart money management and believes that giving something away for free will somehow garner a return on investment.
This group and its leader – a person named Eric Raymond are linked to many other organizations with similar goals of destroying our community, including Sun Microsystems, IBM and Oracle Corporation. There are thousands of these Open Sourcers in more than 60 countries. They are recruited from chat rooms and newsgroups and brought to sites like Slashdot where they are brainwashed to believe in the radical teachings of Raymond. They are then sent out into the workforce to plot idiocy and destruction.
Open Sourcers have found some influence in a few corporate data centers. It is in these desperate places that we see Open Sourcers vision for the world.
These data center workers have been brutalized – many are starving and many have fled to other careers. These data center issues found their root from a variety of sources and our complacency and desire for function over quality did contribute to the demise of these once great places. Not long ago, systems administrators were viewed as geniuses in their own right; now they are the bastard children of a necessary cost center.
We however, in this community respect the people of corporate data centers; after all, we are largely made up of freedom fighters from the corporate world.
(Applause)
Open Sourcers are not only repressing the people of the corporate data centers, they are threatening IT people everywhere by spreading their lies and deception about quality and cost. By promoting this anti-capitalist model, Open Sourcers are committing an act of war against us by trying to eliminate the concept of intellectual property and rob us of the treasures our hard work has afforded us.
And tonight, this community makes the following demands of the Open Sourcers. Deliver to the proper authorities all the black hat hackers who dwell in your chat rooms.
(Applause)
Release the truth about TCO studies, including how Windows is actually cheaper than “free” software. Close immediately and permanently every project on SourceForge that that threatens the security computing users everywhere.
(Applause)
Give SCO a full and fair trial so that they might have a chance to prove how you have infringed on their intellectual property.
These demands are not open to negotiation or discussion.
(Applause.)
They must act, and act immediately. They will hand over these despots and reveal the truth or they will share in their fate.
I also want to speak tonight directly to the IT workers throughout the world. We respect your work. Your work has changed the world forever. Because of your effort and innovation, businesses can move forward and focus on their line of business and not basic computing operations.
(Applause)
The anti-capitalist crowds are traitors, they are trying to rollback the hands of progress to create a cumbersome and elitist environment where only they can survive, this makes them feel needed and good about themselves. BUT this community will not stand by and let this happen
(Applause)
Our enemy is not IT workers but it is the radical network of hackers and slashdotters; and any company who supports them.
(Applause).
This war begins with the Linux followers of Open Sourcers but it does not end there. It will not end until every such group of global reach has been found, stopped and defeated.
(Applause).
Developers are asking, why do they hate us? They hate what we see right here in this chamber, a group of developers from all walks of life who focus on making people’s lives better through technology. Their leaders are elitists; they hate our goals and despise our rapid progress.
They want to take computing back to the dark ages, where managers where beholden to the IT staff and users had no hope of utilizing technology as a tool to be more effective.
These despots not only want to destroy this community but disrupt and end our way of thinking. With every day that passes they hope that Corporate America buys into their lies of quality and cost. They stand against us, because we stand in their way.
We are not deceived by their pretenses to piety. We have seen their kind before. They are the heirs of all the ignorant and self-serving ideologies of the computing age. By sacrificing quality and ease of use, they seek to stroke their egotistical sub-conscious in a twisted power grab. They are on a terrible path and will follow that path to where it ends, in histories unmarked grave of discarded lies.
(Applause)
Developers are asking: How will we fight and win this war. We will direct every resource at our command, every means lawful, and every bright mind that will join us, every instrument of security, every financial influence and every necessary method of marketing to ensure that corporate America knows the truth and we have defeated this global network.
This war will not be like the browser war a decade ago, with an overwhelming and decisive victory. It will not look like any war we have seen before. Our response involves far more than instant retaliation and isolated strikes. Developers should not expect one battle, but a lengthy campaign, unlike any other we have ever seen. It may include dramatic new steps, some visible and some not, many secret even in success. We will turn them one against another, expose their lies until there is no longer a CIO in the world who is misguided by their propaganda. We will pursue companies that support them, and strike at their bottom line by producing better products – We have seen this already with SQL Server. The simple truth of the matter is, you are either with us or against us, you believe in capitalism or you don’t.
(Applause)
Our community has been put on notice, we are not immune from attack. We will take defensive measures against this new threat to protect users everywhere. Today, thousands of people are working tirelessly at Microsoft and with our partners; they join hundreds of third parties all with the responsibility of protecting users. These efforts must be coordinated at the highest level. So tonight I announce the creation of a Medinah-level position reporting directly to Bill and Steve, the Trusted Computing group.
And tonight I also announce a distinguished American to lead this effort to strengthen our security, a true geek and trusted friend to all – Scott Charney. He will lead, oversee and coordinate a comprehensive technical strategy to safeguard all users against this electronic terrorism and to any attacks that may come.
These measures are essential. But the only way to defeat these despots and end their threat to our way of like is to stop them and make them see the err of their ways.
Many will be involved in this effort, from antivirus vendors to white hat hackers to the support engineers and all others called to active duty. They all deserve our thanks and prayers. Tonight, I have a message for all of you – be ready. I have called you to alert and there is a reason. The hour is coming when we will act and the world will see our LongHorn of justice and you will make us proud.
(Applause)
This is not however, just Microsoft’s fight. What is at stake is not just our immense fortunes. This is capitalisms fight. This is civilizations fight. This is the fight of all who believe in progress and usability, in lower TCO and manageability. We ask every technical person to join us. We will ask, and we will need, the help of system engineers, knowledge workers and support techs around the world. Microsoft is grateful that many ISVs and many other organizations have already responded with their full support. Groups from Latin America to Asia to Africa to Europe and even some in the Unix world. They have joined with us to make it clear, an attack on capitalism is an attack on all who believe in working hard to create a better world.
Industry from all over the economic spectrum is rallying to our side. They understand that if this goes unchallenged that their own businesses and employees may be next. This reckless disregard for intellectual property, hard work and financial incentives if left to go on unanswered can not only bring down companies, it can threaten the stability of economies and governments. And you know what – we’re not going to allow it.
(Applause)
Developers are asking: What is expected of us? I ask you to live your lives, but refactor your code. I know many of you have fears tonight, and I ask you to be calm and resolute even in the face of a continuing threat.
I ask you to uphold the values that got you where you are and remember why you and so many others came here, because our vision is one of simplicity and elegance and making business better. We are in a fight for our principles, and our first responsibility is to live by them. No one should be singled out for unfair treatment or unkind words because they post code for free.
(Applause)
I ask you to continue to support the victims of electronic terrorism; those who want to help can go to www.microsoft.com/security to find the names of groups in and out of Microsoft helping to fight this battle.
I ask for your patience, with the delays and inconveniences that may accompany tighter security; and for your patience in what will be a long struggle.
I ask your continued participation and confidence in Microsoft technologies. Open Sourcers are attacking the fountain of our prosperity. We however are successful because of the hard work, and creativity, and enterprise of our people. These were the true strengths of our community before this war began, and they are our strengths today.
(Applause.)
Tonight I thank you all in this community for what you have already done and for what you will do. Tonight, we face new and sudden challenges. We will come together to improve security, to dramatically reduce the number of vulnerabilities in our code, and take new measures to prevent future breaches. We will come together to promote stability and to make five nines reliability a common place occurrence. (Applause.)
We will come together to give Windows the additional tools it needs to protect itself from attacks in our homes and offices.
(Applause.)
We will come together to strengthen our intrusion prevention capabilities to know the plans of hackers before they act, and find them before they strike.
(Applause.)
We will come together to take active steps that strengthen our community, and put our people back to work.
It is natural to wonder if our future is one of fear. Some speak of an age of hacking and anti-capitalism. I know there are struggles ahead, and dangers to face. But this community will define our times, not be defined by them. As long as the Microsoft development community is determined and strong, this will not be an age of electronic terror; this will be an age of economic growth and enhanced productivity, here and across the world. (Applause.)
Great harm has been done to us. We have suffered great loss. And in our grief and anger we have found our mission and our moment. Greatness and mediocrity are at war. The advances of quality and productivity-- the great achievement of our time, and the great hope of every time -- now depends on us. Our community -- this generation -- will lift a dark threat of despair from our people and our future. We will rally the world to this cause by our efforts, by our courage. We will not tire, we will not falter, and we will not fail.
(Applause.)
It is my hope that in the months and years ahead, computing will return almost to normal. We'll go back to our games and chat rooms, and that is good. Even grief recedes with time and grace. But our resolve must not pass. Each of us will remember what has happened to our community. We'll remember the moment Code Red came-- where we were and what we were doing. Some will remember an image of a server crashing, or a story of overflowing inbox. Some will carry memories of an attachment that ruined the day. And I will carry this: It is the bandwidth report from a DDOS attack on my computer. It was given to me by my accountant just before he paid the hosting bill. This is my reminder of wasted money, and a war that does not end.
(Applause.)
I will not forget this wound to our community or those who inflicted it. I will not yield; I will not rest; I will not relent in waging this struggle for freedom and security for the people of our community.
The course of this conflict is not known, yet its outcome is certain. Greatness and mediocrity have always been at war, and we know that the market will bear out this truth, that quality will be the measuring stick of choice.
Fellow developers, we'll meet violence with patient justice -- assured of the rightness of our cause and confident of the victories to come. In all that lies before us, may God grant us wisdom, and may He watch over the Microsoft development community. Thank you.
(Applause.)