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How to Shoot Yourself in the Foot using Any Microsoft Product or Technology

This guide is offered as a public service announcement to help you wade through the myriad of products and technologies made by Microsoft for those in this dilemma.

MS-DOS
You shoot yourself in the foot.

Notepad
You shoot yourself in the foot because there are no options to do anything else.

Microsoft Help
You try to shoot only to discover your gun doesn’t work. After searching for the topic the answer that’s given is “Have you tried turning it off and back on again?”.

Excel
You can create a complex formula to calculate trajectory, angle, and bullet speed only to find out that you’ve created a circular reference.

Powerpoint
You put together a presentation about how you’re going to shoot yourself in the foot but can’t click on the trigger to start the slideshow because it’s too small.

Word
The spel chek on amunition prevents you frum pulling the triger.

FrontPage
You try to shoot yourself in the foot but realize that FrontPage has completed reformatted the gun and removed the bullets.

Access
You fill the gun with too many bullets and find that this action has caused the gun to become corrupted.

Project
As you try to shoot yourself in the foot your gun re-levels its resources and allocates the bullets for another user.

Outlook
You send yourself an email with an attachment on how to shoot youself in the foot only to find Outlook blocked access to the following potentially unsafe attachments: ShootFoot.exe.

Microsoft Bob
You can’t find your the gun from all the papers stacked up on the desk and the dog keeps barking at you.

Clippy
You ask Clippy how to shoot yourself in the foot but he offers to write a letter about the pros and cons of gun control for you instead.

SQL Server
SELECT [Bullets] FROM [Gun] LEFT JOIN [Foot] ON [Leg] WHERE [Gun].[Bullets] > 0

Windows XP
You’ve tried to shoot yourself in the foot too many times and changed out the bullets twice so Windows prevents you from continuing and shuts down.

Windows ME
You decide to not even bother trying because it just isn’t worth it and wish you were in a better place.

Windows Vista
You try to shoot yourself in the foot, but it looks too darn pretty. Then your foot explodes.

Visual Studio Team System
As you try to shoot yourself in the foot the compiler warns you of too many code violations and that the connection to the Team Server is down and doesn’t allow you to pull the trigger.

XBox 360
Your gun overheats and locks up before you have a chance to pull the trigger.

SharePoint 2003
You get through 5 steps into the process, but then your foot tells you an error has occured.

SharePoint 2007
You try to shoot yourself in the foot but can’t find it because your foot has been security trimmed and you don’t have the right permissions.

Internet Explorer
Your gun is incompatible with your bullets and the trigger is disabled because you’re not in the right zone.

Feel free to add your own or improve on my pathetic attempt at humour.

4 Comments

  • Hah. Thanks; makes a ho-hum Friday a bit funnier! :D

    Windows Media Player
    You purchase dozens of bullets, but realize, after buying a new gun, you are unable to use any of these bullets as you are no longer licensed--and you're not quite sure why.

    I've sat bothering with Perfmon all day, so I'll see, depending on my level of frustration, where that leads later. ;)

  • Windows MCE - You try to shoot yourself in the foot but find out that the gun is missing the trigger, and requires that you purchase it from another gun vendor. You have high hopes of the newest version of MCE-bullet to shoot yourself, but find out that you gun has to be shoot-your-self-in-the-foot certified by the gun powder company.

  • Wait wait .. I got 2 more.

    C#:
    bool shootFoot = true ;

    -------
    VB.NET:

    Public Class MyFoot
    dim _shootMe as boolean

    Public Property ShootMe as Boolean
    Get
    Return _shootMe
    End Get
    Set
    _shootMe = value
    End Set
    End Property
    End Class

    Public Shared Sub Main()
    Dim simserFoot as MyFoot = new MyFoot()
    simserFoot.ShootMe = true
    End Sub

    // Of course the above is purely to poke fun at VB.NET. LOL

  • Howdy! I'm at work browsing your blog from my new iphone 3gs! Just wanted to say I love reading through your blog and look forward to all your posts! Carry on the fantastic work!

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